"AS Seen on TV" Store has rough day!

It seems there is a bit of bad news for the shopping residence of the Great Loop Road Region. The wonderful "As Seen on TV Store" will be closed this week for some much needed cosmetic touch ups after the Sunday shopping rush. It has been reported that around 3pm the store became a little too crowded when ten elderly couples in brand new hover rounds came cruising through the isles after attending the Golden Coral Buffet next door after their church service. "It was date time, and the flea market is just so crowded now a days with all the Mexicans," stated an excited lady in her early 70s who goes by the name of Saylene, "No wonder they all ended up in there at the same time. Shame what happened though!" "With ten hover rounds runing at 5mph in that little of a space, you know you're going to have some trouble. Ah shit, they shoulda seen it coming," said one of the Ashworth twins. After correcting the balance of his Gold Leaf tobacco hat just so on his head, he continued, "That's why I got out of there as soon as I heard the motors a humming my way."








Crews will be working around the clock to repair the scrapes on the walls caused by the multiple collisions, they'll be picking up the broken pieces of assorted Chia Pets, and working to repair the cartel of Rumbas that were damaged all this weekend. Luckily no one suffered more than a few minor scrapes and bruises in the collisions. The store will be reopening first thing in the morning on Monday. The store manager promised a new stock of the all purpose "Pick-R-uppers" to be right by the door when you walk in. So don't miss them!

The ten Hover Round pile up that happened sunday is not the first thing to shut down the "As Seen on TV Store." A few years ago, the store closed its doors after the famous "Sham-Wow Incident" of 2006 in which the overabundance of Sham-Wows stocked through out the store absorbed all the moisture right out of the air making the store unbearably dry for a day.

2009 CAR SHOW REGISTRAION!

This is a reminder to all the Loop Road Sentinel readers that the 2nd annual GREATER LOOP ROAD REGION AUTO EXPO is now selling tickets. The tobacco fields are swirling with rumors that a certain "car" once featured on an old black and white television show about a certain "family" will make a glorious visit. Hope So! This years car show has to be a good one to make up for the spectacle that took place last year. When the previously announced rock group "Nantucket" never showed up to entertain the car enthusiast, the only music that was almost heard was the bark of low-rider tires leaving the gravel parking lot. Luckily Derwood Cook, the double jointed troubadour thrilled the crowd and calmed the loose nerves at the same time by playing a guitar with his foot and a banjo behind his head. But this years Auto Expo is looking sharp with a musical line up that will be announced soon here at the Loop Road Sentinel. I got my tickets!

Brad "Cougar" Pitt

The Greater Loop Road Region Super Supper club met this past Wednesday for their weekly Pot-luck dinner and a movie night party at the Women's club on Broad Street. The movie shown was "Burn After Reading." In the movie, an actor named Brad Pitt portrays Mr. J. "Cougar" Mellencamp perfectly whiles stumbling in and out of wacky adventures. Five stars!