The Golden Bullet

Warning this article uses language maybe not suitable for children.

Staff reporter Suzanne Reagan's younger brother Harold recently went on a expedition to China as part of the Corinth Communtiy College video gamers convention. Exciting news for sure! Harold's new video game "The Legend of the Great Buck Hunters Golden Bullet" is becoming a big shot in the gaming world lately. "There ain't a more exciting game out there for the real hunters!" shouted William Bain under the front porch of the local Cubbard store. "It damn near, well you know. I'd rather play that game than about go real hunting if it wasn't for the tree stand." The Reagan family recently held a welcome home party for Harold at the local Loop Region community center which held exciting news of it's on; " It's a real pleasure to be here with you all now," he stated as he walked up to the front of the room. "I have some pretty big news to tell ya. See I met a really nice China lady on my journey and I'm picking her up at the RDU airport in a little while," continuing to a breathless, silent room, "I'm having a surprise party for her at Ricey Icey tomorrow with free Golden Bullet for everyone and if y'all don't want to come,I dont want to convince you. Ain't got time for it. Shae shae!" So readers go celebrate with Harold and his new friend in our new diverse community from all over the world. I heard that the Greater Loop Road Region has another resident way out in Berlin Germany....maybe he will bring us back a few Mercedes Benz. We could use a new staff car here at the Sentinel!





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

"RICEY "RICEY!" I'll have two please.

Disclaimer: A similar report about this topic ran yesterday in the "Corinth Times." Yes, they reported it first, and have a crack team of writers over there, but we here at the LRS headquarters have done our research and have new facts that add a little more insight to this already popular story.

This Article is features on page 4C in the ARTS & CULTURE section of the Loop Road Sentinel.

A new strip of store fronts have opened here in our very own Loop Road Region. It sits on highway 42 west between Duncan Junction and our quite neighboring town of Corinth. However this is not the typical conglomeration of General and Family Dollar stores usually seen in the regions new shopping centers, but a cross cultural business center with the Loop Road Regions very first "Asian themed" restaurant. RICEY ICEY Ice Cream Delight and Noodle Shop is celebrating it's grand opening this coming Saturday at 2pm in the parking lot adjacent the store front. The owners Mark and Cindy Ratcliff, will be present giving away samples of Asian style noodles as well as there very own RICEY ICEY slushy drinks! These tasty treats are sure to please kids of all ages. "I am so excited about being able to drive down my road and feel just like I am in the Orient!" Stated a breathless Lori Sutton, daughter of local resident Mary Sutton of Suttons Meat Fame. "Nothing like this has ever happened before. It will open up a whole new world for a our children." Some of the other residents of the Loop Road Region were not so ecstatic. "I don't see why we need foreign food in our American bellies," Smiled Don Chapel with the slight smell of sarcasm permeating off his tongue, "I mean this here is the Loop Road Region, been here since I was a boy and survived fine." Adjusting his hat, he continued, "I mean that RICEY ICEY better just be the big daddy of all slushy drinks."

One thing is for sure, if the Ratcliffs are right, the RICEY ICEY will be a welcome addition to this writers table. And to help get the residents out to the grand opening ceremonies, The Loop Road Regions very own W.A. Creech and the Fidelity Banks band will perform at 4pm sharp on the RICEY ICEY entertainment stage! This will be the first local performance since Mr. Creechs appearance at this past years Fourth of July Extravaganza at the town Springs. And if this show is anything like that one, it's going to be a blast!

"The Slow and the Curious"

This letter was sent to the editorial department of the Loop Road Sentinel two days ago. I have to say it is a great idea. Lets all get on board and support their art! A meeting will be held in Mrs. Talley's office at the Springs High School at 8pm Tuesday May 21st!

"Dear Loop Road Sentinel. I have been a life time ready of the Sentinel and I never miss as sentence that is printed. But I have to say a little more attention could be paid to the wonderful art community we have living in the Loop Road Region. There are plenty of artist and events that need a little help with promotion and I think the citizens would appreciate the news. Everyone can't make it to the front porch of the Flemming's Convenience Store every single night for the town gossip, especially those of us who have to have dinner on the table. But something going on I think is really exciting and that this reader is really proud of is our very own "Loop Road Regional Theater Troupe!" What a great cast we have this year! We can't wait to perform our annual rendition of the "One that Got Away." The story I am sure all your readers know by heart about a boy and his grandfather and the search for meaning in life. Of course told from the mouth of a little fishing cricket!

But this year we are branching out on our own and we have decided to reinterpret a more modern idea. We have been watching, and reading to each others a whole slew of excellent books and movies. But one has stood out above and beyond the rest. This years Greater Loop Road Region Town play will be called "The Slow and the Curious." A modern tale of a man, his car, and his daughters race to find her own identity and true love in this hectic world we live in. The lead roles will be played by none other than Stacey Smith and his very own daughter Daphne Smith-Manriquez. Shows start July the 4th weekend so get your tickets early!"

We here at the Loop Road Sentinel are a proud sponsor of "The Slow and the Curious!" One small towns take on big city life.

The Sound of Crickets!

Things have been pretty quite around the Greater Loop Road Region lately. Not much news to report lately since the economic slowdown of 09. Some residents around here say you can even here the sound of crickets in the air, and the chirps appear to be getting louder! When the staff writers at the Loop Road Sentinel started to hear the chirping of the little Gryllidaes themselves, a full fledged investigation was launched. But alas, the mystery was not as mysterious as one would have imagined. The sounds the residents heard were actually just crickets. Investigators uncovered the fact that Old Man Flemming, who runs the Duncan Junction on State Highway 42 forgot to re-enforce the bottom of the cricket bins outside of his store this Spring. The Winter months were wet and cruel to the wood used to build the cricket coups, causing the bottom of the bins to be infiltrated with holes that would surely be a passage way to freedom for a curious critters. When the double order of live fishing bait arrived at the store late Friday afternoon, just in time for the weekend fishing rush, the crickets were quickly placed in the bins and immediately placed on sale. But the first fisherman on the scene, Bo Ratt Ashworth, noticed something was not quite right. "I could here the chirps coming from somewhere, but couldn't for the life of me find those crickets anywhere," tilting his hat, he continued, "I figured it must have been just my ears ringing from the tractor muffler all day. That or the dip one." Finally Mr. Ashworth noticed crickets jumping onto his mud-stains Reeboks from all directions. Grinning, he continued, "I can adapt though." Meanwhile the owners of Duncan Junction have ordered a new shipment of crickets to be delivered by this Thursday. So sit back and enjoy the sounds of the curious crickets chirping at dusk and think about how you can adapt to make your life better. Maybe go see Mr. Ashworth. He will be at the pond fishing.

Butter Knives Per capita!

Dear readers of the Loop Road Sentinel. Do you find that you have too many of those knives used to spread butter scattered through out your kitchen? If so, you are not alone. A recent survey taken of the residents located in the Loop Road Region, suggest that there are more Butter Knives per a capita in the drawers of our readership than at any other location in North Carolina. After hearing the news, mayor J. Burns is proposing a meet and melt in the front lawn of the Main Street Baptist Church this Saturday at 4:30pm. There will be plenty of sweet tea and the melted butter knives will be reconfigured into brand new fencing for the towns Rooster Swap festival next month. Cock a doo dle doo!

"AS Seen on TV" Store has rough day!

It seems there is a bit of bad news for the shopping residence of the Great Loop Road Region. The wonderful "As Seen on TV Store" will be closed this week for some much needed cosmetic touch ups after the Sunday shopping rush. It has been reported that around 3pm the store became a little too crowded when ten elderly couples in brand new hover rounds came cruising through the isles after attending the Golden Coral Buffet next door after their church service. "It was date time, and the flea market is just so crowded now a days with all the Mexicans," stated an excited lady in her early 70s who goes by the name of Saylene, "No wonder they all ended up in there at the same time. Shame what happened though!" "With ten hover rounds runing at 5mph in that little of a space, you know you're going to have some trouble. Ah shit, they shoulda seen it coming," said one of the Ashworth twins. After correcting the balance of his Gold Leaf tobacco hat just so on his head, he continued, "That's why I got out of there as soon as I heard the motors a humming my way."








Crews will be working around the clock to repair the scrapes on the walls caused by the multiple collisions, they'll be picking up the broken pieces of assorted Chia Pets, and working to repair the cartel of Rumbas that were damaged all this weekend. Luckily no one suffered more than a few minor scrapes and bruises in the collisions. The store will be reopening first thing in the morning on Monday. The store manager promised a new stock of the all purpose "Pick-R-uppers" to be right by the door when you walk in. So don't miss them!

The ten Hover Round pile up that happened sunday is not the first thing to shut down the "As Seen on TV Store." A few years ago, the store closed its doors after the famous "Sham-Wow Incident" of 2006 in which the overabundance of Sham-Wows stocked through out the store absorbed all the moisture right out of the air making the store unbearably dry for a day.

2009 CAR SHOW REGISTRAION!

This is a reminder to all the Loop Road Sentinel readers that the 2nd annual GREATER LOOP ROAD REGION AUTO EXPO is now selling tickets. The tobacco fields are swirling with rumors that a certain "car" once featured on an old black and white television show about a certain "family" will make a glorious visit. Hope So! This years car show has to be a good one to make up for the spectacle that took place last year. When the previously announced rock group "Nantucket" never showed up to entertain the car enthusiast, the only music that was almost heard was the bark of low-rider tires leaving the gravel parking lot. Luckily Derwood Cook, the double jointed troubadour thrilled the crowd and calmed the loose nerves at the same time by playing a guitar with his foot and a banjo behind his head. But this years Auto Expo is looking sharp with a musical line up that will be announced soon here at the Loop Road Sentinel. I got my tickets!

Brad "Cougar" Pitt

The Greater Loop Road Region Super Supper club met this past Wednesday for their weekly Pot-luck dinner and a movie night party at the Women's club on Broad Street. The movie shown was "Burn After Reading." In the movie, an actor named Brad Pitt portrays Mr. J. "Cougar" Mellencamp perfectly whiles stumbling in and out of wacky adventures. Five stars!

Don't Give Me No Converter Box!

The residents of the Great Loop Road Region are in an uproar having to buy a converter box to watch thier favorite TV shows such as "Wheel Of Fortune" and "Baywatch." on their existing TV sets.

Sweat Tea and Breezy Days: a Raffle!

BEAKING NEWS!

There has been a rumor that a new Bojanlges Restaurant will be built in the place of the old one on Academy Street. Shutting down the restaurant for three months in the process. This has the people of the Greater Loop Road Region in an uproar. Shouts of "Where I'm I gonna get my Tea!" and whispers of "You know you can freeze a Cajun Filet in the freezer for months..." are being heard from the windows of slow moving cars everywhere. Hard times are ahead folks, but there just may be a bright light burning in the shadows of the old tobacco fields yet.

Ruth's Kountry Kitchen has decided to open it's doors to patrons once again. Ruth's was once the home to a mighty fine Tenderloin biscuit until the diner was sold to a couple of Northern Transplants who over a few months turned the establishment into a New York Style Pizza and Deli that sold Neste Sweet tea. Hard economic times caused the new Ruth's to close down a few months ago. But noticing the upcoming need to quench the thirst for sweet tea once again, Ruth's Kountry Kitchen will be reopening. While floral wallpaper is being hung and fluffy curtains are once again placed over the windows, Ruth's will be having a Raffle. The one dollar tickets will be sold and the proceeds will go to repair the ice box and refrigerator in the old diner. The winner will get a biscuit names after him! One example would be the "Wesley." A flavorful Biscuit with Pork tenderloin, Molasses, and Worcestershire sauce served piping hot.

What are you waiting for? I'll take two tickets please!

Trains and Parades

This just in:

There seems to be a problem installing the new model train in the down town Loop Road area. Crews will be working through the morning to make sure the train gets set up properly. The model train is part of the Greater Loop Road Region's "Historical Awareness Campaign" or referred to by the locals as "The Throw Mama from the Train Movie Tribute."

Grab a booth in the back where the band plays.

We here at the Sentinel have just been informed that a brand new watering hole & cafe called "THE NIGHTSHADE" will be opening in the next week or so. It will serve as a gathering spot for the residents of the Greater Loop Road Region. There will be music and interesting activities abound. As well as a few fights and various types of motorcycles parked on the gravel parking lot. So keep checking back at the Loop Road Sentinel for all the latest news and updates regarding "THE NIGHTSHADE"

A New President, A New Voice (in an already loud world)

Hey there! I decided to build a place on this here internet where the good folks of the Greater Loop Road Region in NC can have their voices heard. Here we go with post number 1!


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In a pole taken of all the residents of the Loop Road Region; the songwriter Tom Petty is preferred 4 to 1 over Bruce Springsteen in regard to sing along hooks.


It is believed that Chris Paul from the New Orleans Hornets needs to up his game a little bit more this year to reach his performance level of last years playoffs.


The readers here are not sure they are gonna fall prey to the Animal Collective hoo haa. (editors note: even though the readers here have yet to hear their new record. Average median income is too low to afford to purchase a new record by any artist except for the Rosebuds)


The whole readership area is gonna be closed for the Premiere of season 5 of the TV show lost.


The Loop Road Sentinel Would Formally Like to Congratulate Mr. Obama! He is officially our president now! And he walks like the editor here himself.


Quote of the Day: "I have a pair of underwear so big it will blow your mind" Logan Matheny